This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
