Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
