I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
