Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
