This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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