I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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