he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize