I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
