I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
