I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
