I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
