My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize