Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
