You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
