i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Randomize
