i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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