But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize