dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
