We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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