watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
