Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
