I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
