So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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