oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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