sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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