If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
