Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
