Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
