idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
