is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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