saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
