just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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