so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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