am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
