there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
