Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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