if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
