Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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