the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need a beard to bite.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
