Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
