I'm gonna have a badass scar
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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