So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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