My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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