why didn't you poke me back
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
