Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
