so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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