Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
