Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
