That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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