so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
this hospital has no fireball
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
