is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
