my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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