You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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