I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
