Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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