Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
