WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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