He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
