I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize