did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
