i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
