Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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