who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize