I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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