It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
