she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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