She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
