haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
