Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
