everyone is single if you try hard enough
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just invented taco cereal.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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