I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
