You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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