I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
