The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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