Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
only if we run a train.
done.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All the doctor said was why
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
