I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
