ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
