you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
