Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're too hungover to prance.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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